Early Monday morning Sweet got a phone call that one of her friends sisters died very suddenly Sunday. From what she was told the girl (who was 16) didn't feel well, went upstairs to lay down and a while later her younger sister went to wake her. She didn't wake up. It is said possibly a seizure is the cause. OMG, I cannot not even imagine.
Why does it take heartbreak like this to make me step back? To make me step out of myself and really look at my life? To view this family unit that Cool and I started from a different, less frazzled perspective? Have we made the right decisions? Have we done what's best? Are the picklets happy, healthy, civilized? Are we rearing them into functioning adults? Are Cool and I happy? Have followed through with our decisions? Have we done the things we have done because they were right? Sadly I can't answer yes to all of this.
Cool and I have talked in depth over the last couple of days about all these questions. Come to find out he has the same questions/fears/frustrations floating around in his head. We kept coming back to the same question. "OMG! What would we do?"
Neither of us has a true answer to that question. But it has had a spiraling effect. Making us remember why we started a family, why we moved to a small town, why we decided to homeschool. Making us reflect and scrutinize our decisions. Answering the question, "What can we do NOW to make our family life richer, happier, more full-filled?" Knowing, realizing life is short. Very short.
Through our conversations we shed tears, laughs, memories, stories, fears, joys. We discussed our journey thus far and philosophised the future. We realized we so often find fault in the picklets and fail to look at ourselves, as their mentors, to be the true cause. We decided that WE are the ones that need to change.
We need to be:
- More encouraging, less critical.
- More attentive, less distracted.
- More open minded, less set in our ways.
- More home-bodied, less out and about.
We need to incorporate:
- More laughter, less yelling.
- More structure, less willie-nillie.
- More responsibility, less excuses.
- More fun, more family time, more memories.
But mostly, we need to MAKE TIME.
Last night was the first night in months that all 5 of us have been home together. We watched The Addams Family movie together. We ate ice cream together. Cool got out the sewing machine and taught Chip and Sweet how to use it, something they have been begging him to do. We laughed, spent precious time together, enjoyed our family. I can't believe it had been so long.
Monday was pretty solemn around here. Sweet sat and stared a lot through the day. When I would ask her how she was she would reply, "The light is in my eyes." I haven't figured out exactly what she meant by that. She is sad for her friend, I know that for sure.
Today Sweet and I will deliver a care package to the family and tomorrow Sweet and I will plan to attend the visitation, so she can say goodbye. (I don't know if we actually will attend as Sweet is very apprehensive about this and I don't want to push) I wish I knew the right thing to say to her friends family but everything seems to fall short.
Time goes fast, life is short. Don't let life spiral out of control and lose sense of what is really important. Hug your kidlings, your spouse, your parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and make sure to say, "I love you." Never, ever lose that urge.